This ones for believing if only for it's sake, come on friends get up now, love is to be made.

Come Clean - Greg Lasswell.


Just had to say.. Things do get better. I have never been happier, and it's been this way since about November of 2015.When I found out I was pregnant.

I had a little boy. He's the best person in the entire world.. and I no longer feel empty, or sad. It's hard, but I wouldn't give up a second of it. He is everything I could have ever hoped for and so much more.

Not saying you need to have kids to feel better... but, turns out.. things do get better. Good luck.

Brandi

So obviously desperate, so desperately obvious.

Taking Back Sunday - You Know How I Do

It's been a while. It's always been a while. I should probably do this more often, but I just don't see the point anymore. No one wants to listen to me whine. I don't even want to listen to me whine. If I could shut my brain off, I would. It just never stops. I can't get it to shut up.

I'm 28 years old.. it shouldn't be this way. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Everything shouldn't be so doom and gloom, but I really feel like I'm going to rip out all of my hair and crawl out of my skin. That was a really fun visual.

 I'm just so depressed. I'm crying all the time, even at work. Guy asked me a simple work related question yesterday, and I burst into hysterical tears. Because you know, that's normal.
I know you're tired of hearing it. I'm tired of saying it. But I really want to die. I can't think of a single reason to want to stay here. I'm not, at the moment, because of mom and Ams. I don't think mom could handle it... and Amber would be so mad. And I want to care about that, I really do. But there comes a point where... even knowing you'll destroy someone else, isn't a good enough reason not to. It isn't that I don't care, I do. But I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I promise, I'm trying. I'm really trying... but I don't think I have much left. Every single moment is excruciating. It hurts so much... all of it.. it all hurts so much, and I just don't have anything left. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I thought someday, everything bad that's happened would be worth it, because things would be okay. They promised things would get better. They lied. Nothing gets better. And none of this is worth it. Do good things happen? Sure. but they're so few, far between, and minuscule... the bad over shadows it so much.. I can't even really see it anymore. I remember the good things. I remember how it felt... but I feel so bad now.. that it completely drowns it out, so that even the good I remember hurts. Because it's gone. It doesn't last. Please, I just want it to stop.

I keep trying different things... hoping for even a minute of relief. But it never comes. But that's how it goes, right? Sometimes things can be okay... and then Murphy's Law kicks in and everything that can possibly go to hell, does.

There isn't any point to this anymore. I really mean it... this just isn't worth it. None of it. I'm so tired, and so depressed. It's to the point where I feel it physically. My neck and shoulders are killing me. I have a constant headache... my hands feel kinda numb and my legs feel weak. It feels like there's an elephant sitting on my chest all the time, and it hurts to breathe. I know you don't understand. How could you unless you've been here? Please don't make me do this anymore. Please. I don't have anything left. I'm empty. I've been fighting for so long, I don't have any fight left in me. I can't do this. It hurts so much. :(

Brandi

Tryin' to stop my hands from shakin', somethin' in my minds not makin' sense. Been a while since we were all alone, I can't hide the way I'm feelin'.

The Outfield - Your Love

(I painted that. I know. I'm awesome.)

Do you have any idea, what it's like to have to keep repeating; "It's okay, it's alright, everything is going to be alright..please, just stop..make it stop.." over and over and over again in your head, knowing damn well and good it's not going to do ANYTHING to make you feel any better? But you keep trying because what the hell else are you supposed to do? I feel really really bad today. Like there is this giant GIANT wad of something stuck in my chest, and it just keeps getting bigger and bigger, and it's making it hard to breathe, and I feel like whatever it is, is going to come bursting out of my chest. It hurts. I don't know whether to hyperventilate, cry, rip all my hair out, or all three. I can't stop shaking. I'm trying so hard to keep myself in check, I'm shaking.

You know on Office Space, when dude asks other dude if you had a million dollars, what would you do? And he says "Nothing". That's how I feel too. I want to do nothing. I want to be alone. I want the phone to stop ringing. I want people to stop making me do things. I want my apartment to be left alone.. I just want it all to stop. I just want to sit on my couch and watch tv, or play my games, and just be left alone. I can't deal with this crap. The sound of peoples voices are just grating on me, and the phone....god the sound of the phone... if phones had a throat, I'd strangle them. To death. I would strangle the life from the phone. And anything else that makes annoying noises and therefore makes me do things. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to work, I don't even want to be awake. UGH.

So I cried myself to sleep last night. And it's amazing to me, that the same phrase runs through my mind, that doesn't make any damn sense at all. And I can't understand WHY that particular thing goes through my mind... but it does, over and over and over until I'm actually saying it out loud while crying.. "I wanna go home." How can I wanna go home when I AM home? That doesn't make any damn sense. Even still, I hate crying like that. It's physically painful, like my heart is caving in on itself. It's... soul crushing sadness. It feels like my soul is dying. As dramatic as that sounds.

It's only the middle of February, but this year has been spectacularly bad already. January 1st, Jason and I broke up. My short term memory is TERRIBLE... like "'can't remember if I unlocked the door, so I check it, then have to check it again because I can't remember if I checked it.' kind of terrible. Oh but then there's more. I got the results from the tests  my doctor did back in November. Turns out, I'm not in great shape. My cholesterol is really bad. I'm extremely vitamin D deficient, there's a problem with my heart, and my carotid arteries are too thick, so they want to do a more in depth ultrasound to make sure there's no real blockage. They gave me a copy of my results and in big red letters it says "extremely high stress levels", and I'm at 300% risk for heart attack or stroke for my age. Awesome. Can we like.. hurry that up a bit? Cuz I'm tired of life. Anyway, basically my diet had to change, or I'll die. So I'm eating better.... though idk why I'm bothering. Oh and I'm on 10 tons of vitamins now too.

Had to cut my hair. Was super damaged and breaking off and felt awful. She cut like 6 inches off. Which wouldn't have been a big deal, because I got extensions... buuut they don't work because she didn't layer it like I told her to, and I can't get it cut again because it's already shorter than I'm comfortable with. -_-.

It's way too loud in my head, and I can't make it stop. I'm so tired and it just won't shut up. I've started seeing things again. That's when I know I'm REALLY stressed out. Heh. Oh and that's the other thing.. I'm supposed to be keeping my stress down, because of my heart... that's working out really well for me so far. Oh well I guess. At least if I'm dead, everything will be quiet. And I can finally get some peace. I wonder what'll happen to Puck?.. and my car? For the record, I'd rather be buried than cremated.. but if the parents are insistent on cremation, I want to be a tree. There is a biodegradable urn, that has a tree seed in it, and you plant that, and it grows into a tree through your ashes. That's what I want if I can't be buried. I've always liked trees. I wanna be a good tree though, like, one that turns pretty colors in the fall, not some lame ass puny tree. Also, I demand there is a 72 hour wait before I'm buried OR cremated, because I'm convinced you can still feel after you die. At least for a little while.. and I'm claustrophobic, and I don't want to feel the burning. Sooo yeah. You know, the brain isn't completely dead for 72 hours. There have been studies. Don't judge me. You know... I want to die because I want everything to go away... but you know what else would make things go away? Money. If I had lots and lots of money, I could just leave for a while. I want to have enough to not have to work anymore, and then I'd just drive for a while. Go see things, alone.. and it'd be great I think. I need to get away from everything. I need silence. There is never any silence. :(

This is why he doesn't love me. I'm fat, and I can't get a grip on my head. It's all messed up in here and he knows it. It's too much. I can't blame him for that. If I could get away from me, I would most of the time too. What I don't understand though, is why he'd even want me in his life at all. It isn't just me that can't let go.. he doesn't want me gone either. But I don't know why. I can't let him go. It can't be gone.. I can't handle that. And I don't wanna meet anyone new because god forbid I form an attachment to someone else, then have to go through this same crap all over again. No. I'd rather just be alone. I very much dislike my life. It's really painful. I heard this thing once.. you know how different people have different theories about where humans come from, where we go and what not.. well I heard once that there are some people who think that you plan out your life before you're born, every little detail of it. If that is the case (which I doubt).. I must have realllly hated myself even before because why would ANYONE choose my life?! In fact, I wonder if anyone would choose their life? I don't know. This is stupid. I'm done.

Brandi

This ones for the lonely, the ones that seek and find, only to be let down time after time. This ones for the torn down, the experts at the fall, come on friends get up now you're not alone at all.

Greg Laswell - Comes and Goes

This post may make some people angry. Just a heads up.

I have known far more people than I care to, that have decided to end their lives and succeeded. I'm not angry. I understand more so than most. It's sad, but I get it. What healthy people don't understand, is why you would make that choice, as if it's not a choice at all -- it is. It is always a choice. And for some, it's always there. It reminds you constantly, that it is there and is a viable option. It's almost like a living, breathing thing in your mind. A lot of people can't kill it. When you get to the point where you aren't just pondering it, but are actually considering it, planning it even... the healthy think that other people - the people you'll be hurting don't cross your mind. That isn't the case at all. They are the only reason you doubt the decision. You weigh your own pain, against what they'll go through, and then decide which is worse. Can you go on? Is there any possible way you can stand another minute breathing? The ones who decide to go ahead with it.. the answer is no. In my case, it was never so much how much people will hurt, because I never really felt like anyone would TRULY care... I kinda figured they'd all be better off. What I thought of, was how pissed off everyone would be if it didn't work. That's the thing about suicide... if you don't succeed, it just pisses everyone off... which in turn makes you feel worse. They accuse you of being selfish, and you really have no response to it. But you don't feel it's selfish, you feel that they are, for making you stay when you hurt this badly, if only they knew how much it hurt. Maybe on some level we are selfish... but you're sure if they knew just how much you were hurting that they'd understand... healthy people can't understand that. They never will. And it isn't because they don't try, because I'm sure there are some who try to understand.. but unless you've been there, you can't.

There is only so much one person can take. Everyone has their limit. For some, the desire to live is stronger than the pain they are feeling. For others, the pain is overwhelming, and there is nothing anyone could say or do to change their mind. The living -- the healthy, think they could have done something... said something.. saved them. But the truth is? Maybe not.. probably not. With me...I don't know how many times I tried. More than I can count. And only once or twice was I able to be talked down. Can you imagine it? Being in excruciating pain every. single. day.? A little voice in  your head you have to constantly fight with that is whispering, and sometimes SCREAMING at you, to end it. You're worthless. Everyone would be better off without you. You should just do it and get it over with. It's always going to be like this. Nothing will ever change. You're going to feel this bad forever. You're all alone. No one understands. Just do it. Every. Single. Day. Your mind is your own personal bully that never ever leaves your side. And at first you fight back, I'm not alone. People would care, I have friends.. family.. they love me. Things will get better. And for some people, it does. For some people they can fight through it. They're okay. For others... the other voice just gets too loud, and you start to believe it. Once you believe it... It is so unbelievably hard to go back, to have your mind changed. Sometimes the brain bullies win. Just like regular bullies. The difference is, you can't run away from it. You get no reprieve. And with regular bullies, you may be able to go home to get away from them.. but there is a point where you believe what they say about you.. .and then your brain bullies take over.

This post seems negative, and I'm sure some of you are mad at me, as if I'm trying to justify it.. I'm not. But keep reading, I do have a point. All I'm saying, is that I get it. And I'm hoping having it explained, what it's like, will help someone understand how someone they love could even consider it. It is not a black and white situation.. nothing is. Life in general is shades of gray. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. It is the 3rd leading cause of death for people aged 15-24. About 30,000 people die from suicide each year in the US, but 750,000 try. 750,000 people feel bad enough every year, JUST IN THE US, to want to end their lives. The level of pain you have to feel to try it.. is beyond what you can imagine if you haven't been there. But my point of all this is... there are people who understand. There are people you can talk to about it, who can relate to how you're feeling... but it doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. I'm not saying that it's wrong, but it also isn't right. You shouldn't make someone feel bad for wanting to die. They already feel bad, and trust me they already feel guilty for even having the thought. They feel guilty, and ashamed. Even if you don't understand it, try. For some people... It's all they have left... But that doesn't mean there isn't still hope. If someone reaches out to you, listen. Don't judge. Don't be mad, and even if you ARE mad, don't show it. The person reaching out to you already feels bad enough. If they are reaching out to you, there is still hope. Don't dismiss it.

If you or someone you love is considering suicide, please, get help. Help is always available if you look for it. There are people who understand how you're feeling, and they are still here. You can get through this, asking for help does not make you weak. There are people that can help you, there are doctors that can help you. It took me 16 years to find medication that made me feel better, but I have it now. And I can honestly say, it makes the voice quieter at least. And there are times I don't hear it at all. Even one day, without it, is worth it. I have more good days than bad now. Yes, bad days still happen, and I will have this for the rest of my life... but thanks to doctors and medications, it's manageable. But not everyone is like me. Depression in most cases is curable. Other disorders that make you feel this way, are not.. but they are manageable. Life does not have to be a black pit of despair and pain, but you have to try. You don't want to do it. Just keep repeating that to yourself. "I don't want to do this. These thoughts are not who I am. And they are lying." Because that's what it is. It's a lie. You are not, what the thoughts say you are. And I understand not believing what I just said... but it's true. There is good in everyone. And there is at least ONE person in this world who loves you, and would miss you, someone who would NOT be better off without you. There is at least ONE person, whose life is better because you are in it. Sometimes life is straight shit, I know. And for a lot of people, me included, it's the same bullshit over and over and over and it feels like it'll just never end... but you have to try to keep going. When you're at the point when you ask yourself  "can I stand another minute breathing?" no matter what you actually feel, say yes. And if you can't, just give yourself a little more time. Sometimes just one or two more days is enough to get you through, and to the other side of the thoughts. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow. And you won't know if you don't stick around to see. Like I said, life is shades of gray. I can promise you, life will never be perfect, it isn't for anyone... and happiness may not last long, but the moments you get to feel it, are worth it.

It has been three years since I last made an attempt on my life. Before that, it had been 6 years. Have I thought about it in between? Of course. It's always there. Even on days I'm not upset... it's there. But I'm to a point where I can tell it to fuck off, and ignore it. You will get there too. Just give it some time. It is not a quick, easy fix. It takes time. Life is cruel. But there are moments that are worth being here for. Think of something you can look forward to. Even if it's something simple or silly... making it to there is a good goal. And once you get there, find another one, and another one. The next thing you know you'll be three years down the road, and feeling better than you ever have. With more good days than bad. Find something you want, anything.. Do you want kids? Do you have kids? You need to see them go on their first date. Graduate high school, have their own kids. Maybe you want to get married one day? Or hell, even leave whoever you're already married to. Maybe you want to travel, or buy a boat. Own a house. Fall in love. Anything. Goals are important, and you can always do what I do/did... write it all down. Keep track of how you're feeling (more often than me). Everyday, how do you feel. You'd be surprised to look back and see you do have good days. The girl you like smiled at you -- could there be something there? Maybe you'll get a promotion at work, or be offered another better job. You never know. And you won't know if you end it. Just try a little longer.

If you or someone you know is suicidal, please, get help. Or hell, message me. Sometimes all you really need is someone who understands how you feel, really understands... and I do.

1 (800) 273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week

Languages: English, Spanish

Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Brandi

Give a little time to me, we'll burn this out. We'll play hide-and-seek, to turn this around. All I want is the taste that your lips allow my my my my give me love.

Ed Sheeran - Give Me Love

I say this every time. But it's been a REALLY long time since I've written. I thought I didn't have anything to say, but maybe I should. A lot has changed since my last post. The job after the church was a no-go. Seriously, it was awful. And I quit. BUT not to worry, I have a new job, at another church, and I've been there for four months now-- wow it's been longer than I thought. AND I'm about to start doing a 2nd job, so yay for extra income. I feel like I'm never home... because I'm not lol.. but it's not as bad as it was at first. It really wore on me at first, but it's really nothing now. It's a pretty simple job, now that I've learned it.

Jason and I are doing good. We don't fight much, I don't ask questions I don't want the answers to generally, I'm good in my ignorance. What I don't know, or pretend not to know, can't hurt me. Especially if I don't think about it... which I generally don't. I blissfully live in my head with my probably pretend life that isn't so bad. I don't think about anything if I don't have to. And even when I do have to, I usually don't. Which is making me really forgetful, but I'm okay with it. I've been working on that though... paying attention to the things I NEED to pay attention to.

I don't know. I think I might be having a day. I feel... disconnected but still slightly upset, but I don't really have a reason for it? Don't worry, it's not like it used to be. It's just a twinge. You know how it feels when you get a cold chill? The kind you get when you aren't even cold... Your face cringes, and a rush of something comes over your whole body and your hair stands up. It's like that, but it's a rush of... despair. Is the best way I can put it. I have a moment where my resolve falters... I shudder, and kinda scream "NO" in my head to shove it all back down, and thanks to the meds, down it goes. Lol. Back into emotional purgatory where I like it. I do feel a lot better lately. Obviously, since I don't need to write here constantly. I can finally deal with my BS on my own. That's nice. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means "happy". I don't know what that feels like, to be honest. I just feel... okay. But I'm good with okay. It's better than the all consuming depression that I'm used to. Honestly I probably wouldn't even know happy if it smacked me in the face, much less what to do with it if I had it. Lol. I could be happy I guess... but if this is happy, it's seriously disappointing and I don't know what you cheerful ass people are going on about. Lol. *wink* No but seriously, I do feel okay most of the time, and I'm really good with that. In fact, I've even gotten to where when people ask how I am I don't say "I'm okay" like usual... I've been saying "I'm good!"... which is unheard of for me.

Annnnd it's Christmas next week, and I don't want to kill myself. So you know, there's a plus. lol. Actually, I feel pretty good about this year. I was actually able to do a bit of shopping and I'm happy with it. I never really get to do that, and I did this year. It feels good. Granted, it's not much... but it was more than I can usually do. Crap I got Jason last year was just downright pathetic... but I'm happy with this year :) I hope he likes it.

I can't wait until I start doing my 2nd job. It's going to bring my income up pretty nicely and seriously... I've never made that much in my life. Right now I make 10 an hour, and I'm full time. So after taxes I clear 1300 a month. Which is good. The only other time I've made that much was at Princess in Seattle. Buuuut once I start 2nd job, I'll be making more than I did in Washington, so yay me! In fact, I'll be making more than Jason hahaha. woo!

Soooo I have carpal tunnel *she says as she sits here typing a novel*. It's pretty bad too. It hurts to hold a pen. Like... I want to cry when just holding a pen. Oh and god forbid I go to bed without my brace on. Seriously, that thing is a life saver, but when I forget it... ohhhh it's bad. I've woken up crying from how bad it hurts. It's not so bad today. I've been wearing my brace pretty constantly for about three days now, so I can move it without wanting to just cut the damn thing off already. Really bad part? It's my right hand. I'm right handed. I need the stupid bitch. Lol.

My car is still awesome, though I renamed her. Her name is Yoshi. It was actually only Lexi for a few weeks. I've put over 10,000 miles on her :/ .... driving back and forth to Waco everyday adds a loooot of mileage. Maybe I'll come into a good deal of money soon and I can just move to Waco lol *crosses fingers but doesn't hold her breath*.

Did I say Jason and I are good? We are.. I think. Feels....comfortable. If that makes any sense? I don't feel like I'm gonna lose my shit when he's not around... we aren't fighting... we watch a lot of movies and play video games lol. Oh awww we went to his friends week before last for dinner.. but before that he took me to meet his grandma... and she goes "That boy sure does like you. I'm glad I finally got to meet you, I've heard good things." awwwwwwwww lol <3 lol. So we left and I bumped him and go "sooo, ya like me huh?" lol and he goes "meh, she's old doesn't know what she's saying" lol. silly boy.

Anyway, I'm gonna go. It's late and I have to get up ridiculously early (5:15 every. single. work day. o.o yikes.). So, hope you are all doing well, and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, or whatever you celebrate or don't, and a Happy New Year, because the odds of me writing again soon are slim to none. =D Kisses!

Brandi

And I remember we stayed up way past your bedtime. Up on the second floor, Down by my sliding doo. Just innocent kids in a victimless crime. Trapped in a metaphor, Hoping for something more.

Andrew Belle - All Those Pretty Lights

I got a new car! My dream car. It's not brand new, but it might as well be! I love it so much, her name is Lexi. She's a 2013 Kia Soul Base, and she only had 19,744 miles on her when I got her last week. She's amazing, I love her.

I got a  new job. Today is my last day at the church. I'm actually really sad about it. But I start my new job on Monday. It pays better and comes with insurance. So, you know. There's that. I don't like change. I mean I obviously knew I couldn't stay here forever, and there were times I wanted nothing more than a different job... but this one was really good to me. But it'll be okay, I think. I mean.. new car, new job.. should be... good?

It feels amazing outside considering it's mid July! It's 68 degrees out and it's almost 11 am! How crazy is that! This is Texas... it's just downright unheard of. I'm not complaining though, I love it. I wish it was like this all the time.

Well.. I guess I don't have anything else to say. This post was kinda pointless I guess. Lol but I hadn't written in a while. Oh well. Have fun.

Brandi

In the daylight, I’m your sweetheart, Your goody-two-shoes prude is a work of art. But you don’t know me, And soon you won’t forget, Bad as can be, yeah you know I’m not so innocent.

Mz. Hyde - Halestorm

So it's been a little while since I've written. A lot has happened.. thus is life. Things are a bit foggy lately, though I welcome it... but I'll get to the points I remember.

I'm 27 now. I freaked out a little bit when it happened. I'm almost 30 and I have nothing to show for it. My life is pretty much a joke. It's okay though. When I think about it, I never really expected all that much out of it. Don't get me wrong, there are things that I want... but they just aren't attainable at the moment and I don't see the need to dwell...right now. I'm sure I'll change my mind in a day or so and start freaking out again about how much I want children. Who knows.

Jason and I are back together. Ish. Whatever the hell "ish" means. I'm pretty sure that just means that he doesn't particularly want me... but he doesn't want anyone else to have me either, and he was tired of my incessant whining so he'll just go with it for now. I'm oddly okay with that. Although I don't know why because it sounds awful and most of the time I don't even really care... which leads me to my next thing...

My medication, is awesome. I feel a WHOLE lot better.. and I've been told by several people that I seem a lot better. I don't freak out as easily and when I do it's not as bad. I still care about things, which is new for medication and me... but not as much as I did before. Which is good because I felt things ENTIRELY too strongly before. Things happen and I'm just like eh.. whatever. It's nice. We still aren't done adjusting but my doctor gave me a break this month because they were giving me headaches. We were increasing every two weeks, I go back on May first for my next increase, but I've been on the same dosage for a month now, and it's been alright, the headaches stopped. The only thing I've really noticed that... not really worries or concerns me.... it's more just like... "hmm.. okay?" if that makes sense? is that... I'm sucking my thumb a LOT more than before. I had cut down a lot from when I was younger.. pretty much only did it when watching tv or if I got really upset... but now... I've gone back to sleeping with my thumb in my mouth, and about 80% of the time during the day I don't even notice at first that it's there... and then I do and i'm all wth? Nearly constantly... even right now... it's REALLY bothering me that I can't have my thumb in my mouth. I'm not sure what it is? It's always been a comfort thing for me... I suck my thumb, and sipper... but lately I need more comforting? Or something? It just really bothers me to NOT be doing it.... I don't know what's up with that. Feels wrong not to.

So Jason and I went to the Dallas World Aquarium for my birthday. It was downright AWESOME. I had a lot of fun with him, as usual. We're going to the museum here at some point for this awesome dinosaur expo. Should be good. :) but we went to the aquarium, Applebee's, and Traders Village. It was a lot of fun.

So Heather told me yesterday about this place that gives loans even if you have bad credit, and it  helps your credit. Well, there were things I needed to do and definitely needed the money, and my credit sure needs  help... so I called yesterday to get a loan. I was super surprised they accepted me, but they did! Not a whole lot, but it's okay because what I got was enough, I can afford the monthly payment, and it's going to help my credit which is awesome. Sooo there's that.

Probably going to have a new kitten in a few weeks. 6 of my parents cats are/were pregnant. MoMo had the CUTEST kittens! and they're so sweet...once you catch them. Lol. I was going to keep this one I named Hades, but he didn't make it. So there's Reaper and Butterbean. Reaper is BEAUTIFUL... he has a black head, and this his body like... ombre's into a really light gray down the rest of his body. And then Butterbean is a tabby, and he's SO sweet. He loves the loves. Lol. I loves the babies <3 lol.

Puck is doing good, he just turned 3. He's probably going to be pretty pissed when I bring in another cat, but he'll get over it. Lol. He could use a friend anyway. I know he gets lonely sometimes.

I think that's about everything. At least I don't remember anything else. :) so, I go now. TTFN! lol.

Oh, on another note I wanna add... It's really  nice, knowing that not every day is going to be horrible. I've felt so bad, for so long... this is really strange, to feel okay most of the time. But I like it. It's nice to wake up and not be absolutely miserable. I feel pretty good today, and I feel even better knowing that most days feel like this now. I'm not 100% better by any means, but life is at the very least tolerable now... and it's nice.

Brandi