Breathe Carolina - I.D.G.A.F.
So, I deleted the last four posts I did. I don't really remember why but eh. And honestly I'm a little pissy at the moment and don't really feel like doing this but whatever.
So I went to therapy yesterday because for some reason I thought it might help my general lack of being able to keep things together this week. I was wrong. It was totally pointless. So I guess I was right before when I said I don't need the therapy anymore.
Also, I'm having nightmares again. I was having really pleasant but sad dreams for like two fucking weeks... and then back to nightmares. I took a nap earlier.. and woke up drenched in sweat and completely freaked out. I hate those ones the most.. the ones that make you sweat. Because then you wake up freaked out, and wet. It isn't fun. And now I'm pissy.
On the upside, after all that crap (that you no longer know about because I deleted the post) with my arm, I haven't been hungry. As soon as my arm started to get bad, my appetite went away completely, and even though its healed it hasn't come back. I'm nearly never hungry, and when I am absolutely nothing sounds good. So when I do eat it's usually just a few bites of something and I'm done. If that isn't helpful, I don't know what is. I'm hopeful it's not healed or something, and I'm going to die soon. That'd be good. There is still a rather large knot under the skin...doesn't hurt or anything but eh. I'm not going back to the doctor. Fuck that. Mom practically had to drag me to the car to get me to go when I did. lol. She kinda just grabbed the keys and was all "come on. we're going to the E.R." and I'm all "the fuck we are..." and then she gives the mom "you'll do what I say or I'll kick your ass" look, and I said fine and we left. I wish I hadn't gone. I should have just waited until Monday and called my doctor. Surely it would have been fine until then. At least it would have saved me a lot of stress this week. And the week before for that matter, but especially this week.
So I bought this gaba stuff, it's a vitamin that's supposed to help me stay calm. It does help to an extent but I was kind of hoping for happy or feel nothing, and that's only the case when my stress isn't that high. Otherwise the stuff is pointless and just makes me jittery on top of stressed. Admittedly, there was a semi fight that I stayed slightly calmer than I ordinarily would have. My rational thinking was a TINY bit better than usual. But whatever. Not enough.
So Dwight was weed eating this morning and found our cat's kittens under Michael's box thing. I wanted to keep one, I named him Sam. But he's a little too young to be away from his mother so I put him back after packing him around for like an hour. (he's about five weeks)... anyway apparently my niece was over earlier while I was napping, and went to see them... they're gone. That's just fucking fantastic. I'll probably never see him again. And he was really cute. But oh well I guess, Puck didn't like him anyway. He didn't smack at him or anything, just smelled him for a long time and then Sam meowed and Puck starts freaking out and hissing lol. It was kind of humorous.
Anyway I don't really have anything to say...
Brandi
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