You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying.

Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

I'm losing it. It's going to be really bad. I feel it coming. I don't know how to make it stop, I don't know when it's going to happen, but I feel it coming. Demons in the attic growling at me, things moving when they aren't.. and just this morning I watched a white tissue turn orange. I had it in my hand.. and it looked odd.. so I was just looking at it.. and it turned orange. All by itself. I don't know if I did it.. or what... but yeah. That's.... that's not good. I can't breathe... I can't concentrate, or pay attention to important things. People are talking but it doesn't make any sense. And every time I try to explain something to someone or need to get something done, and they don't understand I just wanna cry. I just wanna cry anyway. My brain won't shut up.. everything is too fast and I feel like I'm going to explode. Everything is foggy but there's too much of it. There's too much going on and I just.. I can't. I'm like one more thing from snapping completely. I can't sleep, or I sleep too much. I'm so tired but I wake up sweating like 230482934823 times a night and watch the shadows move around my room. What the hell is going on!? I've been shaking for days.. I feel... high? but not good high like... that cartoon.. with the coffee patches... like that only instead of happy high like she is it's... I can't handle anything everything is desperate. Like a rabid animal with juuuuust enough of their brain left to keep from totally snapping. but it's coming. There's just too much and all I wanna do is curl into a ball and everything just... go away. I just want it all to go away. I have to go to my 2nd job tonight.. and I don't even know how I'm handling the first one. I need it to stop... please someone make it stop. I'm scared and it hurts and I can't handle it. :(

Brandi