Loving you, isn't the right thing to do. How can I ever change things that I feel? If I could maybe I'd give you my world. How can I? When you won't take it from me.

You Can Go Your Own Way (Originally Fleetwood Mac) Covered by Lissie.

You ever have something... and you know you need to let it go. You know you should give up and get on with your life... but you can't? Because what if you do... and then things change, and you can't go back because you're so fucked in the head that once you give up on something, it's totally gone. Or maybe whatever it is, isn't letting you fully give up, but you don't have it in you to verbalize that. Because you don't want it to go. Because it's what's making life worth living at the moment. And you know that it's wrong, and it's hurting you... but it also makes you feel alive. Sometimes that's what the pain does. Sometimes it's debilitating and awful... and other times it makes you feel alive and is what keeps you going. What if letting go means hating the thing you care about so much right now. Because it's the only way TO let go... because you haven't found another way to do it yet. What if you can't hate it. What if you're in love with it. What if it keeps doing and saying things that give you hope, and part of you believes things will change... but the logical part of you is saying you need to just let go, because you're reading too far into things again and setting yourself up for more disappointment and pain that can be handled. Your brain keeps screaming to stop because you can't do this... but your heart skips when you see him and then beats faster. The heart takes over... and when he's around... the rest of the world is gone. Nothing matters. All the things that bother you and stress you out, melt away when he looks into your eyes. Everything just... stops. Just like you need to.

So I got a 2nd job. I start tomorrow night. It's 11pm -7am 2 to 3 nights a week. Good times. That's going to seriously mess with my sleeping schedule. That means, 11pm to 7am I'm at work, then I go home, and get ready for 9am to 2pm work, then sleep from about 2pm to 9pm, and get ready for work. I think my working out time just lost a lot of time. And that sucks. Have I mentioned how much I REALLY don't want to do this? Well, I don't. I like my one job. I don't want another one. But I don't have a choice, much like most things.

I suddenly want a beer. That's so weird... I don't even like beer. Meh, whatever. I don't have anything else to say lol. See ya.

Brandi