Fragment ideas and too many pronouns. Stop it, come on, you're not making sense now. You can't make them want you they're all just laughing.

Taking Back Sunday - Timberwolves at New Jersey

Today sucked to epic proportions. It's still early, I'm sure it'll get worse. I haven't taken it out on anyone yet though, so that's good I guess. And I went shopping, that made me feel better while I was doing it... and then I was driving home and the tears came back... and they've been off and on since I got home.

So, on to what happened.

I got paid Monday, but it wasn't right. I'm terrible at math, but fuck with my paycheck even a cent and I'm going to notice and freak out. Well this was $100 dollars off from what I thought it was going to be. Not cool, I needed that money. I stayed pretty calm, waited until I found out what happened before I started freaking out. So the lady that does my paycheck finally calls me back today. Apparently, my "raise" was not to $10 an hour like I thought. They switched me to salary without telling me. $1000 a month. Which is all well and good, except for some months, I made more than that. For instance, this month, August, if I was still being paid how I was, I would have made $1035. But nope, I'm losing that $35. So when I found out I was not getting the rest of my check... I started freaking out. I left work for about half an hour to go see mom at her job, and be hysterical. She gave me some money to do what I needed to do (and now I feel like shit), in exchange for me doing certain chores once a week all month. So I go back to work, intending to confront them, and then leave for the day. My boss was in a meeting, so I waited.... glaring at my desk, fighting back tears... for two hours. Finally by the time I get to talk to them, there's like 20 minutes left in my day. I explained the situation, they said they'd fix it. Whatever.

So then I went over to Hillsboro, got two pairs of pants, a shirt, and a bottle of perfume. That made me feel better, then I cried all the way home. On top of all that, guys. I'd rather not elaborate on that part...but it hurt. Both counts. So there's that to add to my already craptastic day.

Oh but that still isn't all of it. So I'm sitting here on the computer when I got home... being upset over the guy portion of my day, since there's really no use in being upset about the job part.... they both leave... and then my mom. I guess she absorbed my mood because she's all tears and shit too, which in turn made me cry, yet again, while trying to make HER feel better. My head hurts.

Then there's my friend (who's a girl) texting me asking if I want to sleep with this one asshole guy. I've told her for days no, HELL NO. In fact, when he asked her to ask me the first day I told her to tell him, "Not if you were the last man on earth, I'd rather fuck a cactus." and yet he still asks. Insanity. She texts me today all "why not? I know he was a dick before but blah blah blah." NO. I'm not like that anymore! I am sick of people treating me like shit! I'm sick of guys using me, and then being assholes. Why can't people just be fucking nice to me?! She's literally still arguing with me about it. What part of 'not gonna happen ever' is she not getting??? I really can't take much more of this day.

So I'm considering trying to get ahead on my car payments and just moving to Georgetown and hope I get a job quickly. I'm also considering taking Friday off, and driving down there Thursday night and spending Friday looking for a job, but it all seems kind of pointless. Not to mention, if something goes wrong then I'm really screwed.. and something will go wrong, because it always does.

I feel so incredibly alone. I probably should go to Georgetown this weekend regardless... simply because I'm desperate for human interaction. And I do miss my sister. On the other hand I feel like shit and the likely hood that I'll feel better by this weekend is slim to none. Something pretty awesome would have to happen, and I'm gonna doubt it.

Oh, I dyed my hair. Well, part of it. I got a color as close to my natural color as possible, and dyed the difference. Which means the top like 5 inches of my hair are still natural.. the rest is close. Then tomorrow mom is going to low light it for me. Should be good. 

Anyway, I don't have anything else to bitch about really, since that's pretty much all this ever is anymore. I hate my life. <3

Brandi