O' Death - Jen Titus
For once, the song doesn't really reflect how I'm feeling. I just really like it.
I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I moved back in with my parents. Come to think of it, I think I remember mentioning it. So there's that. But I have more bills so instead of being in the hole every month, I break even. Barely. To add fuel to the stress, something is wrong with me. I don't know what it is I'm probably dying or something. I feel sick to my stomach about 70% of the time, at random ass times. Usually first thing in the morning, then a few hours into the day I'm okay, and then I feel sick again in the afternoon. Every few days I actually throw up in the morning... there were a few days there I was throwing up even in the afternoon. I'm hungry all the time. And the last few days I have to pee constantly. I wake up 2-3 times every night and have to go so bad I'm usually dreaming about it. I'm actually a little surprised I haven't wet the bed yet. That's.. awful but still. I'm not overly thirsty.. I haven't been drinking any more than usual. It doesn't hurt to pee... I don't understand. Mom said maybe I'm diabetic but she always says that, someone checks my blood sugar, and i'm always fine. Occasionally it's a little low, but not often and it's NEVER been high. So that isn't it. And then there's the tired. I've been finding it difficult to get through a day without a nap last few weeks. And right now even. I got plenty of sleep, how could I possibly still be tired??
Other than all that I'm okay though. I have ups and downs... like usual. And of course the people in my life threaten me for the downs. Like I have a whole lot of control over that. Seriously.
Puck turned two. He's a gigantic pain in my ass, but I love him, so much lol. And I do mean gigantic. Lol don't get me wrong.. he's losing weight because he's on a diet... but he's such a fat little thing. lol.
So I was playing with the school idea again. Trying to figure out what I can do because everything I WANT to do, requires a doctorate. Microbiology specializing in Virology - Doctorate. Volcanologist - Doctorate, at least. So what else is there? I like storms... storm chaser? Nope. It doesn't require a doctorate, and I read doesn't even really require school. But it's hard to get into and pays crap unless you have a butt load of experience and even then it's not much. So that's out. You know what occurred to me? I'm big on risk. Think about it, I've done some really crazy things. I moved to Washington, twice, with nothing, and dating someone I didn't even really know. Then I moved to Wyoming, sort of on a whim. I mean, it was planned, but the person I was moving in with hadn't talked to me in two weeks when I left anyway. That was really stupid.. I mean it turned out okay but it was still really stupid. And then there are my desired career choices. All of which would literally put my life in danger every day. I don't want to do them because I have a death wish, it's just exciting. Those are the things that hold my interest. The wrath of nature. Nature is so badass. Diseases, natural disasters.. what is more interesting than that?! So then I got to thinking, okay well.. what ELSE is there? When I was really really into the photography thing, I didn't like people photography.. I like the nature/landscape time. So what if I combined the other things I like, with that?! Get pictures of landscapes, volcanoes, storms..AND get to travel!!! now THAT would be cool. No school required. All I need is badass camera, and money to travel. But that's the problem now, isn't it? I don't have a badass camera. I can't afford a badass camera, and I can't afford to drive across the street much less anywhere cool. So I'm playing the lottery again. Because that is the only way that particular dream, will ever happen. At least at that point it won't make any difference if I ever actually make any money from my pictures because I won't need it. It'll just be like.. a fun little hobby. I imagine that would make me very happy. I'd get pretty lonely so I'd have to have someone go with me. But I think I could be really happy doing that. Traveling all over, finding awesome stuff and taking pictures. Plus, I really wanna see lava. Not hard dried cooled lava... I wanna see flowing/exploding lava. And a tornado. Seriously I live in freaking Texas and I've never seen a tornado. Lame. Those are my goals in life, even if I never hit the lotto and get to do my risky travel photography stuffs, I want to see lava, and a tornado.
I want to see all 50 states too. Each state has something cool to offer, and I wanna see it. I'd like to travel outside the country too but being more realistic, I just wanna visit every state, at least once. I've already got several out of the way but... I wanna go again. Lol. Texas, Colorado, Washington, Wyoming, Kansas, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Illinois, Alaska, Nevada, New Mexico, and Arizona. According to mom I've been across the California line too, but I don't remember that. I also suppose by the reasoning of, I've been to Illinois and we were driving, I've probably been in Missouri too, but I don't remember so it doesn't count. Lol.
Anyway, that's that. I don't really have anything to say. I'm okay, for the most part. Nothing good to report, but nothing really bad either. I'm just.. here. But I need to get to work, so I'm gonna go.
Brandi
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