What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend. Don't you want to be more than friends? Hold me tight and don't let go. Don't let go, you have the right to lose control. Don't let go. I often tell myself that we could be more than just friends. I know you think that if we move too soon it would all end. I live in misery when you're not around.

En Vogue - Don't Let Go

I'm too indecisive. I change my mind too often. It's not that I mean to, just my feelings change constantly. What I feel in regards to something one day, can be the total opposite the next. I hate it. I'm sure it frustrates the hell out of everyone else too but I don't know how to control it. I don't know how to just.. be okay with something when I'm not okay with it.. even if I was okay with it before. Wanna guess where this is going? *sighs*.

You ever ask a question you KNOW you don't want the answer to? I did that. Knowing full well the answer could potentially really upset me. And I thought I was prepared for it. But I threw up. That's how much it got to me. Which is ridiculous. I do not have the right to be upset about it. Not even a little. But I was. I am. To the point even, I think I know what needs to be done. I considered pulling ultimatums. But that isn't a good idea. Instead I'm going to do something less painful, less damaging... but probably much much harder. It's going to take a lot of will power. And it's still really going to hurt. But I think I'm upset enough to pull it off. At least for a while. As we all know, I don't really stay mad at people for long unless it's a serious offence... or a repetitive one. And like I said, I don't have the right to be upset about this. But I quit. I'm gonna just not talk to him for a while. No matter what. Even if he asks me a direct question. Unless it's something regarding being with me, I need to be gone to him for a while. I need to try to get over him because although he's amazing and wonderful and I want him in my life together or not... I need to try to stop because I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of trying to be patient. I'm not a patient person. This has gone on for way too long. Every time I think progress is being made.. I have to go ask a stupid fucking question that shows me that.. no.. probably no progress is being made. You're stupid and making shit up to make yourself feel better and all it's doing is hurting you more. Good job, Brandi. Excellent. Be with me, or don't. I can't do both ways anymore. I can't do this in between crap because it's confusing and it hurts. And since he doesn't want to be with me, and he likes being single so much... fine. But you're completely single. Because I'm out. I hope it was worth it.

Brandi