You pull back, and you angle towards the window. Now the rain is crashing down, and oh my god you're beautiful. And I'm so unsighted, still I pray you'll hold back your escape.

The Narrative - Eyes Closed

I feel like I died. Except I can still feel everything and have to deal. I won't say what happened, but it was bad. And the already very slim chances I had of ever having kids? Gone. So what does that leave me? Everything I ever wanted... it's all gone. I died... my life no longer has any meaning. I kind of thought that all the bad things happened because it was teaching me what to watch for, and what not to do with kids, making me stronger so that I could handle having them... I really thought I would have been a good mother. And it's gone. I won't ever be anyone's mother. No one will ever call me mommy. Ever. And that is just.... devastating. It isn't fair. I'm only 26 and I feel like my life is over. All I wanted was marriage and kids. That's all I've EVER wanted. REALLY wanted.. marriage blew up in my face.. but that was okay because I thought there was still a chance for kids, but now that's gone too. So now what? What am I supposed to do? Keep up my pointless mundane life with no meaning? For what? My life is... I don't make enough money to live on my own. I don't have health insurance. I can barely pay my bills, but no one else seems to want to hire me. When my parents die, I'm going to be homeless. Again. And I realize that kids would have complicated that even more, but I still wanted it some day. At least when it was still possible I felt like I had something to work up to.. I had a reason to try... and now I have nothing. What's the point now? I've never felt worse in my life, than I do right now. Than I have for the past 2 days. I don't know what to do now. I've never felt so empty. And what's worse? I'm pretty sure this isn't over. Everything awful that's happened recently... I feel like there's more coming. But what else could possibly happen? Seriously?! Haven't I had enough!? I don't understand.. What did I do that was so bad, that everything has to fall apart? I don't even have any hope anymore for anything. Do you know how that feels? To be completely hopeless? I'm going to bed.