You know what? I've had it. I'm sick to death of being jacked around and fucked with. Ex's randomly showing up... other people who have no right to speak to me anymore thinking I'll just forgive them in a heartbeat... and then there's the head games. I think I love those most of all. I don't know, it's probably just me. I'm incapable of just being friends with guys. I'm tired of having to compromise my feelings for everyone else. Why should I have to change? Why should I have to pretend I don't care? Why should I forgive anyone that's fucked me over in the past? Why should I do anything for anyone ever? It's fucking hard. I really can be a cold bitch, but I've had to be. And I will continue to do so until someone can show me I don't have to anymore. I've had it. Seriously. Someone that hurt me, needed me. Sorry, fuck off. That's pretty much what I did there. And I did it again to someone else today. Why the fuck should I give a shit about anything you say? Why should I give a shit about YOUR needs when mine were ignored? You can go fuck yourselves. I can handle a lot, I really can.. but I shouldn't have to. I think I've dealt with enough to last a life time and I just don't want to anymore. I don't LIKE having to be so cold. It upsets me to tell them to fuck off, even if I say it in a nicer way... because yes, I do care... but it doesn't change the fact that I refuse to forgive you. Because I've already forgiven you, many times, and it would be stupid to do it again. And I'm not stupid. Or maybe I am. Because for some reason I keep hoping no one else will do it, but I'm secretly just waiting for it. Because everyone disappoints eventually. I keep giving people the ability to do it... WHY!? I should just push everyone away. Take a page from other peoples books. One person does it, what's to stop anyone else right? Or maybe I could take the blame for all of it. Everything bad that happened was my fault? No. I'm sure a good portion of it was, I mean I'm 25... but people just suck in general. I spent enough time beating myself up for things that weren't my fault and I won't do it anymore. I'm tired of worrying about other people. Guys anyway. You don't give a shit about me? Fine, I don't give a shit about you either. There's only so much one person can take. The off and on bullshit... I can't do it. I won't. I'm done playing. I don't want to do this shit anymore. I just want to get on with my life. I'm about to be fucking divorced. I have enough bullshit on my plate without having to deal with head games.
I need to get as far away from this town as possible, and you can bet your ass as soon as I figure out how, I'll be gone and I won't ever look back. Fuck this shit.
You know why women are "heartless monsters"? Because we have to be, just to protect ourselves from the men like the men that have already fucked us over more than what was bearable.
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